Self-confidence is a mental representation of your strengths and abilities. It refers to a belief regarding what you can achieve in life. A confident person trusts his or her abilities and is, therefore, less likely to give up on tasks. Hence, building self-confidence is very important for s successful life.
Self-confidence is a perceptual phenomenon. It may or may not be consistent with actual abilities. For instance, a person might be well prepared for an office presentation but still not be very confident. On the other hand, a person may not have prepared at all but still be confident.
In addition, confidence is not necessarily tied to achievement. A confident person might fail a test whereas a person having low self-confidence might pass with flying colors.
What is the source of self-confidence?
Self-confidence stems from a combination of various factors. Each individual’s journey to develop self-confidence may be different.
Childhood Experiences
Most psychologists are of the opinion that early life experiences shape our adult personality. Research evidence supports this claim. Early life experiences like parenting style, school experiences and peer group have a lot to contribute to an adult’s self-confidence.
Some parents are overly critical of their children and keep coercing them for every small mistake. Such children often have very low self-confidence because of the harsh treatment they receive from their parents. Often these children struggle with simple tasks even in adulthood. Schools too play a huge impact. Humiliating children or scolding them too often scar them for life. Further, bullying and non-acceptance in playgroups lead to low self-confidence.
Factors such as love and unconditional positive regard from parents help children develop self-confidence. A warm and supporting school and peer group add cherry to this cake.
Intelligence
The relationship between intelligence and self-confidence is partly due to the strong association of intelligence with success. Small successes like winning a quiz or solving a puzzle are highly related to intelligence. This, in turn, leads to higher self-confidence because we perceive our abilities to be high.
Personality
Individuals who have personality traits like extraversion and openness to experiences tend to be more confident. This is because they are full of energy and vitality. On the contrary, individuals who have high levels of neuroticism have lower self-confidence because of their inherent tendency to be anxious in a variety of situations.
How to enhance self-confidence?
Although childhood experiences in school and family constitute the fundamental building blocks of self-confidence, you may develop it later. Here are 7 methods for building self-confidence that actually work.
Goal-setting
Most of the time, low self-confidence stems from not being good enough. We are more likely to fail at tasks if we do not have a plan. Develop a long-term and short-term plan for yourself. Make sure that it is achievable and challenging at the same time. Further, they should be time-bound. This is important because if the dimension of time is missing, we tend to procrastinate. Hence, always define your goals.
Vicarious Learning
Many of us are unable to aim high and boost our self-confidence because we do not have good role models around us. In such a case, you may choose to follow any person you idealize. With the help of the internet, you can follow them regularly on social media. Look at their persona and life story. What can you learn from them? By trying to be more like them, you are likely to build self-confidence.
Meditation and Mindfulness
Meditation and mindfulness will help you develop confidence due to two reasons:
- It will make you more self-aware.
- Both are excellent means of stress reduction.
When you become more self-aware, you would have a better grasp of your strengths and weaknesses. This will enable you to choose a field of study or vocation that suits your interests and abilities.
Also, when you have lower stress levels, you are likely to make lesser errors in your work. You are likely to be at the peak of your abilities This will surely help you in building self-confidence.
Pick a hobby
Hobbies make us feel better because they help us rewind and relax. In addition, hobbies are something which we enjoy. We also have the autonomy to pursue it the way we want. Leisure activities give us confidence because it enables us to master the environment. Most of us are likely to choose hobbies at which we are good at. Hence, it gives us a feeling of achievement and confidence.
Build friendships
People struggling with low self-confidence often fare better when they have good inter-personal relationships. Having a trustworthy friend will let you vent out your fears. They will also enable you to see your irrational fears and your true abilities. Once you have got rid of your irrational fears and anxieties, you are likely to be more confident than before.
Be resilient
Individuals having low self-confidence often live in the world of past failures. Ruminating too much may be bad for your self-confidence because it gives rise to a vicious cycle of self-loathing and regret.
Everyone has faced some failures in their life and all of us make mistakes. However, if we are unable to bounce back and move on, we will end up sabotaging our future prospects. Hence, it is very crucial for us to be resilient during adversities in order to build confidence. Try out tested activities to enhance resilience.
Do not be swayed too much by what others say
Our social relationships are our key asset in dealing with any kind of problem. However, many times, we encounter overly-critical and pessimistic people who push us down. While it is important to accept constructive feedback from others, we need to know that not every feedback is constructive. Destructive comments like “You are not as good as your sibling” or “You are foolish” have a tremendous negative impact on our self-confidence. We need to stop taking these too seriously. All of us have different abilities and are different people. Never let other people pull down your self-confidence.
In order to do this, build your own internal anchor. Begin writing a journal. Introspect your day and assess what you could have done better. This will help you reflect and be better at your work. Being better will definitely make you more confident.