part 10 of Cathexis

a/n: relationship development…and that’s pretty much it. currently planning the next arc that’ll include a troupe of characters

wc: 2.1k+

Cathexis 

No matter how many ways you looked at it, Hisoka had once again manipulated you into meeting him using Illumi as an excuse. The only difference now was that you knew more about him than you had during your encounter in Swardani and wouldn’t make the same mistake twice—or at least that’s what you told yourself during your flight to Heaven’s Arena.

After hours of fighting the urge, you pulled out your phone and reread the message he’d sent you.

[Come to Heaven’s Arena and I’ll let Illumi know that you want to meet with him ♥]

Unbidden memories of your night with Hisoka came to mind. The pleasure and pain he gave you. The heat during your coupling and coldness afterwards. The logic-defying lust and numb detachment. The conflicting emotions of that night mirrored your relationship with the magician—you knew he was dangerous yet you couldn’t stay away.

You put your phone away and with it any lingering thoughts on Hisoka to direct your focus on the purpose behind your trip—apologizing to Illumi.

Of course, you didn’t have to apologize to him since he was completely oblivious to your falling out with your brother, but you needed to rid yourself of the guilt you felt when his face came to mind. In addition to eliminating your guilt, the apology would serve as proof of your differences; you were open-minded and understanding whereas Illumi was stubborn and cold. That was the logic behind your reasoning yet the possibility of you two bonding over your similar situations crossed your mind throughout the remainder of your flight.

The glaring lights of Heaven’s Arena against the dark backdrop of the night sky guided you to the tall building where you had first met Hisoka a couple of months ago. You couldn’t believe how naïve you’d been at the time, treating your investigation on Illumi as a hobby when in reality your connection with him went back two generations with your grandfather and Zeno Zoldyck. Yet despite the anger and frustration over the situation, your relationship with Illumi deepened to the point that you thought about him from time to time and forced yourself to travel to a different continent just to meet with him.

The arena was as busy as ever with fighters and spectators alike crowding the hallways, restaurants, and shops. It had once been a place that filled you with excitement but now only reminded you of the fateful encounter that changed your life—whether it’d been for better or worse you couldn’t exactly say.

Upon getting off the elevator on Hisoka’s floor, you made your way towards his suite number when you saw a short pink-haired woman with a sack slung over her shoulder exit a room. For whatever reason, you suspected the room she’d left was Hisoka’s and that suspicion grew ten-fold when she shot you a knowing look. Your mouth opened to say something but the woman passed you wordlessly and left you no choice but to swallow the question that’d been on the tip of your tongue.

Sure enough you stopped in front of the room she’d exited out of and looked towards the elevator but the woman was already gone. You took a deep breath and shifted your focus back to dealing with Hisoka before knocking twice on his door. It swung open almost immediately and you wondered if he’d been waiting for you at the door—If he’d told his prior guest about you.

“It’s nice to see you again, Y/N.” Hisoka drawled, his eyes drinking you in from head to toe before stepping aside to let you in. “I’d been waiting patiently for your arrival.”

You entered swiftly and pretended to look around his suite while putting some distance between the two of you. “Yeah, I could tell. I hope I didn’t interrupt a prior engagement with the guest that just left.”

Hisoka’s mouth stretched into a smile, “Oh, her? No, we finished our business before your arrival.”

“That’s good,” you replied and turned to face him. “You must be tired after finishing your…business, so I’ll let you rest. Let Illumi know that I’m here and want to meet with him tomo-”

You broke off when Hisoka took three large steps toward you and effectively backed you against a wall with an amused grin on his face. His close proximately allowed you to see his still-wet pink tresses that clumped together at the ends and smelled the sweetness of his soap that still lingered on his skin.

“You’re mistaken, Y/N. I didn’t sleep with her-”

“Forget it. Who you sleep with really isn’t my business.” You cut in and pressed a hand to his chest with enough force to gently push him away. Hisoka’s smile only faltered for an instant before caressing the spot on his chest where your hand had been. You rolled your eyes and sidestepped him to head towards the door

“Since Illumi isn’t here, I’ll head ou-”

“I didn’t sleep with Machi but I believe Illumi did.”

Your head snapped to him and you spoke without thinking. “What did you say?”

Hisoka let out a low chuckle at your fierce reaction. “So that’s how it is, huh? Does it bother you that much knowing Illumi slept with another woman?”

His words shook you to your core when you realized how your little outburst appeared to an onlooker like Hisoka. Your eyes widened before you looked away, taking a couple breaths to calm down before you spoke. “Who Illumi fucks isn’t my business either.”

“When it comes to Illumi, you really are a bad liar. Not a good thing for a Transmuter, you know.”

Hisoka’s face darkened and a vicious look reflected on his golden eyes that sent chills down your spine. In that moment, the apprehension you felt the first time you met him returned. You averted your gaze when Hisoka’s bloodlust seeped out, poking and prodding at the Nen barrier you put up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hisoka.” With that you left the unnerving magician and buried all thoughts of Illumi and that Machi woman in the darkest recesses of your mind.

The entire way to Hisoka’s suite the next morning, you rehearsed the words you’d say to Illumi when you saw him and even went as far as to plan the events that would take place. You would greet the two of them, ask to speak with Illumi alone, leave Hisoka, and head to some random café to converse privately where you’d quickly apologize and then leave.

That had been the plan yet when Illumi was the one to greet you at the door, your mouth went dry and all you could do was stare helplessly at the assassin.

All it took was a glance at him for you to realize he’d just finished up a mission. His clothes were covered in dirt and dotted with blood while his hair was matted and pulled into a loose bun. There was also the slightest hint of weariness on his face that you’d seen on him at the mansion after he returned from his mission.

“Did you just finish a job?”

The question tumbled out of your mouth as you crossed the doorway and turned around to face Illumi while he closed the door behind you.

“I did. Hisoka said you wanted to see me, so I came as soon as I could.” Illumi stated, fixing you a quizzical look.

“Morning, Y/N.” Hisoka’s lilting voice rang out, but you ignored him and remained focused on Illumi.

“You’re not hurt are you?” You asked and took a step towards him while your eyes scanned his entire body for cuts or patches of blood on his clothes.

Illumi’s brow furrowed ever-so slightly but he shook his head. “I’m fine. Why did you want to meet?”

You opened your mouth to answer but remembered your plan and turned to address the magician instead. “We’ll be leaving first. Thank you for arranging this, Hisoka.”

Not waiting for him to respond, you grabbed Illumi by the wrist and exited Hisoka’s suite without sparing the magician a glance.

It wasn’t until you reached the elevator that Illumi spoke. “Where are we going?”

You wondered the same thing, but when your eyes glanced at Illumi’s clothes, the answer came to you. “My hotel. You look like you could use a shower and a meal. We’ll talk afterwards.”

Illumi didn’t say anything and just stared at you with those wide, black eyes of his that fascinated and unnerved you all at once. The elevator ding broke your trance and the two of you stepped inside. The entire elevator ride, you ignored the voice in your head that protested bringing Illumi to your hotel room.

The walk to your hotel was filled with inquiries over Illumi’s preferred food to which he responded with “anything is fine”, so you made a mental list of decent take-out places nearby. The two of you passed by a clothing store and you almost stopped to go in until you realized how ridiculous that would make you look. In the end, you took Illumi’s clothes while he showered and handed it to the concierge to get them dry-cleaned immediately, making sure to include a handsome tip.

By the time Illumi finished, his clothes were clean and hanging from the bathroom door while you set up the food that’d been delivered a few minutes prior. You were pouring juice into two cups when he stepped out of the bathroom along with a cloud of steam.

So he also likes hot showers

He looked more like the Illumi you were used to seeing with clean clothes and blow-dried hair that swayed with each step. When you met his gaze and realized he’d caught you staring, you averted your gaze to the food before you and took a seat while he followed suit.

After making sure Illumi swallowed three bites of food, you spoke. “How is Killua?”

A dull half smile appeared on Illumi’s face but his voice was as apathetic as ever. “He didn’t pass the exam but I did.”

The juice went down the wrong pipe and you coughed into your napkin as you fixed Illumi a bewildered look. “Y-you…why?

“For the job I just finished and to placate Mother. He might have even passed if he’d gotten a different opponent in the last trial.”

You thought back on how excited Killua seemed to take the exam and shook your head lightly before taking another bite of food.

“How was your brother?” Illumi asked off-handedly and you tensed up instantly with goosebumps erupting on your skin. It shouldn’t have been a surprise he knew you’d gone home, but the fact that he specifically mentioned your brother made you paranoid. Illumi’s face revealed nothing as he stared at you with mild amusement before the corners of his mouth turned downward the longer his eyes remained on your face.

“Good. He’s healthy and strong even though-” you trailed off and lowered your gaze to think over what you wanted to say. “He told me he didn’t want to be a hunter after years of intense training. It was a huge shock to me and we ended up having an argument.”

Illumi’s brow quirked but he remained silent while you squirmed in your seat.

“Look, I-I wanted to apologize for judging you the way I did about Killua rebelling and taking the Hunter Exam. It was hypocritical of me since I reacted similarly when my brother told me he wanted to be doctor instead of a hunter. I understand now why you’re so against Killua straying from his path because my brother is also my father’s heir and if he gives up being a hunter then our family’s legacy will be over.”

Per usual, Illumi’s face didn’t betray whatever he was feeling. The only indicator he’d listened to you were his eyes that studied your face for a minute before he opened his mouth to speak.

“I suppose I also owe you an apology for what I said over the phone.” Illumi admitted before taking a sip of juice. “You’re not an outsider. You’re my betrothed and you deserve respect.”

The statement should have made your stomach turn like your first conversation with him in York New. Instead your heart fluttered and there was a tightness in your chest as you searched his face for any indication he was joking, but it was Illumi and he meant every word.

“I- thank you,” you replied after collecting yourself and turned your attention to the half-eaten food on your plate.

“We should finish eating before the food gets cold.” You laughed awkwardly and glanced up in time to see the faintest smile playing on Illumi’s lips.