One of the most common interactions (or I suppose non-interactions) I’ve had since losing my leg is seeing a parent pull their young child away from me and telling them “it’s rude to stare”. The irony of this is that, more often than not, I’ve caught the very same parent trying to subtly watch my leg without me noticing (they generally aren’t as subtle as they’d like to think).
God forbid that one of these children actually come over and ask about my leg. I’ve had parents shower me with apologies for such transgressions more times than I can remember. This is often followed by the kid being, you guessed it, quickly dragged away and told off for being rude.
Now don’t get me wrong here, there is definitely an amount of time where staring at my legs starts to become weird and uncomfortable. This post is not an invitation to constantly ogle my legs (even if they are my best feature).
But here is the thing.
I prefer to wear shorts, for various reasons. Partly because it makes accessing the leg easier if something needs adjusted, partly because I get too warm in trousers and finally, just because I think the prosthesis looks pretty cool. In this regard, I suppose that is me giving the world an invitation to look at the leg. And let’s face it, prosthetic limbs are not very common so of course people are going to be curious. Especially children.
People today can still be very awkward about it. Not everybody, I just a few days ago had somebody walk straight up to me and ask what happened, which is a refreshing change from watching people stare and create their own versions of my story in their heads. However that attitude towards it is still rare and it will probably be quite a long time before that changes. Fair enough, you can’t expect the whole world to adjust in a few years.
One method that ensures this change happens even slower is to make sure that the next generation feels just as uncomfortable around disabled people as a lot of adults do now.
When a kid walks up to somebody in a wheelchair, or with one leg, or using any other kind of mobility aid and asks them about it, if the person gives them an answer (even a very toned down one), that kid will leave the interaction feeling like they’ve just spoken to someone with a story to tell. They may tell their friends about it, they may forget about it entirely. What they do with the story doesn’t matter, what matters is that they felt comfortable speaking to someone with an obvious disability.
Now, let’s say that the same child is pulled away by their parents and told not to ask because it’s rude, or disrespectful. They will begin to develop a discomfort around disabled people, knowing that they have to be careful with what they say. We are all very aware of just how impressionable children can be and something like this will stay with them for a long time.
Don’t get me wrong here, I understand that not everybody likes telling their story. If that is the case, they can say as much and anybody asking should respect that. The only way to make sure that this awkwardness around disability eventually fades away is to let people (especially young people) feel comfortable asking about it.
Even if not every question gets an answer.
Though, on a personal note, if you do want to ask, go with “what happened?” rather than “what have you done to yourself?”. Whether it be a freak accident, an attack or an unexpected side effect of open heart surgery, nobody went out and made themselves disabled.
Thanks for reading folks.
Stay safe and be excellent to each other.
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