Kausern Hieu’s Post

I've always wanted to find a way to connect my two passions - Leadership Development and Movies. Finally, I found a satisfying solution! Answer: Movie Club! Just this Sunday, I hosted our first “Movie Club” meeting. The attendees were my former young leaders from THE LEADERSHIP POD. In all honesty, this virtual get-together was created to keep in touch with them. I wanted to continue providing a safe, inspiring, and fun space for them to connect and grow together. Before we jump into the learnings, what is a “Movie Club”? A Movie Club is like a book club, but instead of discussing books, the group watches and discusses movies. The aim is to bring people together to share their thoughts and appreciation of films in a communal setting. The movie we discussed was "The Fundamentals of Caring," a Paul Rudd Netflix original movie. Here are some takeaways, some expected and some surprising, from facilitating a Movie Club meeting: 1. Deeper Appreciation for Diversity in Thought It was fascinating to see how the same movie can lead to a wide variety of interpretations and takeaways. Some were emotionally moved by certain characters, while others felt they were oversimplified. Regardless, embracing varied perspectives was very enriching. 2. Therapeutic Effects Some attendees had a cathartic experience, helping them process emotions they hadn't recognized before. As a result, they got to know themselves better. 3. Creating Deeper Bonds Bonding over a shared experience and discussion can create strong connections among members. In just two hours, I got to know my members much better. 4. Discovery of New Interests Some members mentioned they would never have chosen this genre to watch on their own. It's always beneficial to stretch and broaden our tastes for different genres.   5. Learning and Personal Growth There are always life lessons to reflect on and learn from as members relate to certain characters or situations. 6. Improving Analytical Thinking and Communication Skills Analyzing and discussing films enhances critical thinking and improves our ability to articulate opinions clearly and persuasively. 7. Enhancing Emotional Intelligence Understanding and discussing characters' motivations and struggles can enhance our empathy. Members also learn to empathize with each other’s points of view. 8. Entertainment and Relaxation Let’s not forget that watching and discussing movies is a fun and relaxing activity that provides a break from our daily grind.   I don't know about the members who attended our very first Movie Club meeting, but it was a very rewarding experience for me! Thank you Ann Ning Yap, Sue Faye Tan, Ee Ming Ong, Michelle Ng, Kei Yap for making my Sunday! -- 📣 Interested in joining a peer group where #youngleaders support each other? Indicate your interest to join The Leadership Pod, July 2024 intake (Open to residents residing in Klang Valley, Malaysia only) https://lnkd.in/gdqDZ3AR

“There is no such thing as tough. There is trained and untrained. Now which are you?” Denzel Washington’s character, John Creasy in Man On Fire (2004) is an ex-marine hired to protect an important family, says these inspiring words to his employer’s little daughter when she is struggling in her swimming practice for an upcoming competition. (https://lnkd.in/dUksm333) This quote suggests that the concept of being tough is not natural to selected individuals but rather a result of training or lack thereof. Being tough is a skill that can be acquired through deliberate preparation, the discipline of action and the repetition of it over and over again until it becomes natural. Just like any other skill, with the right training and dedication, anyone can learn and develop it. So whenever you’re faced with a challenge to learn a new skill as a young leader like conducting tough negotiations, public speaking, sales etc., remind yourself, “There is trained or untrained. Now which am I?” — 📣 Seeking professional growth as a #leader? Check out Kausern.co (https://www.kausern.co/) for useful content to inspire #youngleaders to become better leaders.

When we fail to listen, we’re sending a message that can be as hurtful as saying, “You don't exist.” Listening is not just a skill, it is a critical component of human interaction. It validates the existence of others by acknowledging their thoughts and feelings. Yet, in our fast-paced world where everyone has something to say, the art of truly listening is often undervalued and overlooked. 1. What are the signs of a leader who is not listening? • Interrupting the speaker • Diverting the conversation to a different topic • Jumping in to offer unsolicited solutions • Judging the speaker's ideas • Displaying signs of boredom • Being distracted 2. Consequences of leaders not listening to their team members include: • Low employee engagement and morale: When our employees feel unheard, they may feel disrespected or unimportant. Our lack of acknowledgment suggests that their thoughts and feelings are unworthy of our attention. Over time, this creates an emotional distance which can eventually lead to turnover. • Failure to address the actual issue: A failure to listen can lead to coming up with the wrong solutions to address a current challenge. • Missed opportunities: By not engaging with the ideas and suggestions of others, we miss out on potential insights and innovations. 3. How to break the habit of not listening? • Ask questions: Asking thoughtful, open-ended questions encourages team members to delve deeper into their thoughts and emotions. It shows that we are genuinely interested in understanding their perspective. • Clarifying: Clarifying the other person's points in our own words demonstrates active listening. • Give affirmations: Offering genuine praise and positive reinforcement to our employees will help boost their self-confidence - as well as contribute to a supportive and encouraging atmosphere. Acknowledge their strengths, accomplishments, and contributions. • Challenge: While it's essential to be supportive, challenging their assumptions is also invaluable as a personal and professional growth tool. It’s all about approaching it in a respectful manner. • Summarise key takeaways: Summarising the main points at the end of the conversation shows that we were attentive throughout the discussion. In addition, it puts everyone on the same page. Listening is more than a passive activity; it's an active engagement that enriches both the speaker and the listener. It’s a fundamental aspect of human interaction that acknowledges the others’ existence. It’s letting them know, “I’m here for you.”

Here’s how taking our work seriously, without taking ourselves too seriously look like. Taking our work seriously means approaching our professional responsibilities with dedication, diligence, and a commitment to delivering high-quality results. It’s about striving for excellence in our work, with the aim to be in for eg. the top 20% of our field. However, it’s equally important not to take ourselves too seriously. What this simply means is to recognize that we are not infallible. To accept that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of the learning process. When we approach challenges with a sense of humour, resilience, and humility, we cultivate a healthier perspective on our journey. All in all, it’s about being able to laugh at ourselves. It’s about finding that sweet spot between dedication to our work and maintaining a healthy perspective on ourselves. — 📣 Seeking professional growth as a #leader? Check out Kausern.co (https://www.kausern.co/) for useful content to inspire #youngleaders to become better leaders.

Think about all the bosses you respected. Most likely it’s because of this one trait. They were probably knowledgeable and accomplished, but the reason you liked being around them and aspired to be more like them was because of their KINDNESS. I’m not referring to “weak” kindness, where a leader becomes a doormat to others’ demands. I’m referring to “wise” kindness, where a leader chooses to hold back their self-interest in favour of their team’s welfare, even though they know they’re right. With strict logic, we sometimes do have all the answers. But knowing isn’t everything. Exercising good judgement and sense, and being sensitive to others who may not be at the same level of understanding is a step from being a good leader towards becoming a great one. This anonymous quote sums this up pretty well: “Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it.” Wisdom allows us to put situations in perspective, and knowing how and when to impart it to others. And choosing to be kind to others is the root of wisdom. Sometimes a humble heart can help us more than a proud mind. — 📣 Seeking professional growth as a #leader? Check out Kausern.co (https://www.kausern.co/) for useful content to inspire #youngleaders to become better leaders.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of creating stories about our co-workers that are more reflective of our own biases than their actual capabilities and intentions. Just today I became frustrated with one of my managers for not being able to see my point. I started to create stories in my head about this individual, but thankfully as I was preparing to write this post I realised my view of my co-worker wasn’t the “reality”. Instead, it was a complex interplay of my thoughts, judgments, desires, fears, and preconceptions. How I saw my manager was more of a reflection of my own insecurities and communication gaps than about this individual’s capabilities. Often, we interpret others’ actions through a narrow lens based on our past experiences, rather than seeing them as who they truly are – a complete, resourceful, and creative individual. Here are ways we as leaders can embody this approach and start changing the stories we tell ourselves about others: 1. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BY TRULY LISTENING Doing this gives ourselves the chance to understand the context of others’ actions and words, which can challenge and often change our initial judgments. 2. FOCUS ON THEIR STRENGTHS When we do so, we’re providing them with positive reinforcement for the qualities that are already present. Not only will we boost their confidence, leading to an improved performance for the company, we will also rewrite our narrative about them as underperforming or unengaged. 3. ENCOURAGE AUTONOMY As leaders, when we believe that our people are capable of finding their own solutions, we start to step away from solving their problems. This is recommended because our solutions tend to be biased from our own values and experiences. Start coaching them to use their creativity and resources to overcome challenges. This builds their confidence, and it will change our perception of them as dependent on our solutions. 4. CULTIVATE A CURIOUS MINDSET When we are curious, we start asking open-ended questions that encourage individuals to think critically, thus arriving at their solutions independently. Questions such as, “What’s really stopping you?” or “I’m curious which of your values are driving this decision?” This approach reinforces the belief in their own abilities and will alter our narrative about their capabilities. 5. REFLECT ON OUR IMPACT Consider how our actions, words, and the narratives we create affect those around us. What a leader says is more akin to a shout than a whisper. Reflecting on our impact can help us understand how to be more enabling and less judgmental. By changing the stories we tell ourselves about others and viewing each person as whole, resourceful, and creative, we not only foster an environment where everyone feels valued and understood, but also expand our capacity for empathy and compassion.

“Whatever direction your words lead, your mind, body and environment will inevitably follow.” – Dr. Margie Warrell Psychologists have found that our subconscious mind interprets what it hears very literally. Call it the Law of Attraction or Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, language has a profound influence on shaping our lives and reality. The words we speak have the power to manifest our dreams or bring our nightmares to light, create new possibilities or sabotage ourselves, fuel our courage or magnify our fear. Unfortunately, our natural self-preservation instincts usually have us preferring to amplify our inadequacies with defeating language. We choose words that undermine our own opinions, amplify our problems, and chip away at our own confidence. But it doesn’t need to be that way. By consciously choosing affirmations and practising positive self-talk, we can cultivate mindfulness in this area. Through consistent practice, we can reprogram our subconscious mind and create new neural pathways that will support our growth and success. — 📣 Seeking professional growth as a #leader? Check out Kausern.co (https://www.kausern.co/) for useful content to inspire #youngleaders to become better leaders.

While deeply impactful, not growing up in an environment of unconditional love does not define one’s worth or future potential. Growing up without foundational emotional support is a reality for many. A significant number of young people I’ve worked with over the past 25 years have experienced some form of emotional neglect or adverse experiences during their formative years. But I don’t believe these individuals should be isolated or assumed to be “defective”; it should be acknowledged that the significant obstacles they’ve endured can be overcome with appropriate support and strategies such as these: 1. THERAPEUTIC INTERVENTIONS Therapy offers a structured and safe environment for individuals to address and heal from the wounds of not receiving unconditional love during childhood - providing tools and framework to help individuals reframe negative thinking patterns, develop healthier emotional responses, and establish secure attachments. (Check out this list of affordable therapy options in Malaysia: https://lnkd.in/emuDiyii) 2. BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Sometimes we have to have the courage to redefine old relationships that may not be healthy. Setting healthy boundaries can help cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and genuine affection. Additionally, connecting with others who have had similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation by acting as a support network. 3. SELF-HELP STRATEGIES Developing self-compassion is essential for healing from the lack of unconditional love. Pursuing hobbies and practising meditation and mindfulness can significantly improve one's quality of life, enhancing emotional regulation and reducing symptoms of anxiety. Committing to personal development by learning about self-care also empowers individuals to proactively improve their life and relationships. 4. HELPING OTHERS Engaging in acts of service can be a powerful avenue for healing. Helping someone else can shift the focus from personal difficulties to the well-being of others, fostering a sense of purpose and community connection. Volunteering offers opportunities to experience compassion and empathy from others, which can help repair our own trust deficits and emotional scars. In conclusion, growing up without foundational emotional support can significantly affect adulthood, impacting our self-esteem, relationship dynamics, and emotional health. But by recognizing the need for intervention and understanding that there is no shame in seeking help, we can begin to reclaim a life defined by self-love and healthy relationships. Do you have any other support and strategies to include to this list?

Have you ever felt your audience were a little detached in a formal business meeting you were chairing? How about experiencing a public speaker failing to connect with their audience on a personal level, resulting in a less impactful presentation? The phrase "connection before content" suggests that establishing a meaningful and personal connection with someone is more important than focusing solely on the information or subject matter being discussed. Building rapport, understanding, and trust with others BEFORE diving into the specifics of a conversation or exchanging ideas is a very important principle a leader should learn and practise. This not only applies to business or public speaking, but in many other situations such as interpersonal relationships, politics, and education. Establishing a strong personal connection with others creates a foundation for much more effective communication, collaboration, and engagement. When people feel connected and understood, they’re more likely to be receptive to the content being shared and actively participate in the conversation. So think back on those times when you couldn’t get your message across. Were you prioritising the content over connection? — 📣 Seeking professional growth as a #leader? Check out Kausern.co (https://www.kausern.co/) for useful content to inspire #youngleaders to become better leaders.

A good friend of mine, in a moment of sudden reflection, expressed his gratitude. “I’m so incredibly thankful,” he said, “that you and I grew up in an environment of unconditional love.” I nodded and signalled him to delve deeper into his thoughts. “This morning, I was chatting with my tennis buddy. And it dawned on me…the way he navigates life, his struggles to maintain romantic relationships... is profoundly influenced by the absence of unconditional love in his childhood. I'm quite familiar with his history lah. He's on this constant quest for validation,” he elaborated. This subject pushed me down a rabbit hole. What I’ve learned so far is this: the environment in which we grow up as a child plays a pivotal role in shaping our emotional, cognitive, and social development. Central to this development is the concept of ‘unconditional love’ which simply means the unwavering support, acceptance, and affection provided by our caregivers. Sadly not all children are fortunate enough to experience this nurturing environment. Let’s explore its potential profound and lasting effects during their adulthood: 1. Impact on self-esteem and self-perception They often struggle with low self-esteem and a persistent sense of inadequacy. The emotional bond formed between a child and their caregiver lays the foundation for their self-concept, providing the child with a sense of security and worthiness. In contrast, those who experience rejection or neglect are likely to internalise feelings of worthlessness and develop insecure attachment styles (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth, 1973). 2. Difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships They may find it challenging to trust others, often resulting in avoidant or anxious attachment styles. It can lead to patterns of dependency, fear of intimacy, or a propensity to withdraw emotionally from relationships (Bartholomew and Horowitz, 1991). 3. Difficulty in regulating emotions and vulnerability to mental health issues They may find it difficult to regulate their emotions (Kim S. and Kochanska G., 2012). As a result, it could increase their risk of mental health disorders in adulthood (Felitti et al., 1998). The most unfortunate consequence is that they may turn to addictive coping strategies such as substance abuse to self-medicate or escape. It is inevitable that we will engage with co-workers and bosses who display such behaviours in our organisation. How should we respond? Answer: WITH COMPASSION, no matter how difficult it is. If we’re in a leadership position, it’s our responsibility to foster a supportive and non-judgmental space, where our communication style is rooted in empathy and patience so that their feelings and experiences are validated. The impact of growing up without unconditional love is profound and multifaceted. The good news is that there are pathways to healing and growth which we will explore next week!