It's rude to stare!

Most people don't have to think twice before popping on their coats and stepping out of their front door. However, imagine wearing an unwanted visible difference everywhere you go and what that might be like.

Managing people’s reactions toward us, especially strangers, when we have a visible difference, is perhaps one the most difficult things we have to deal with, especially when we have an unwanted visible difference that is everlasting.

It’s well reported in the research and literature that people with congenital or acquired visible differences frequently report difficulties in forming relationships (particularly with strangers and potential sexual partners), receive negative reactions from others (such as stares and derogatory remarks), and encounter discrimination (Jowett & Ryan, 1985; Lanigan & Cotterill, 1989; Porter et al, 1986, 1987, 1990; van der Donk et al, 1994). 

It’s not surprising that the negative reactions from others create higher than average levels of psychological distress for people with unwanted visible differences (Lansdown et al, 1997), including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, obsessive and/or compulsive behaviours. Along with psychological distress, there are psychological coping strategies with avoidance being one of the most prevalent. This has been found to be especially so with those who experience emotions such as anxiety and shame which may be associated with fear of being negatively evaluated and judged by others (Leary et al, 1998). 

When we do experience low self-esteem, low confidence, high anxiety, stress, or depression, this can easily lead us to start mind reading the intentions of others, by going beyond what we see and heading into people’s cognitions. So whilst people may be staring at us because our looks deviate somewhat from the norm, and they are curious to know "Why", "What?" "How?" etc, it gets very frustrating facing this kind of attention everywhere we go. It's like being a celebrity without celebrity status. And it can feel like we're being judged and perceived negatively.

If you or someone you know is living with a visible difference and wants to learn some proven strategies for managing stares that help build confidence and resilience in public schedule a free no-obligation call https://calendly.com/karenbartle/resilience