Long distance relationships can be both exciting and challenging at the same time. They require a lot of effort and commitment from both partners to make them work. One of the most important aspects of a successful long distance relationship is managing expectations. Setting realistic expectations can help prevent disappointment and misunderstandings in the relationship.

In this article, we will discuss the dos and don’ts of managing expectations in long distance relationships, including communication, boundaries, planning, flexibility, empathy, and avoiding assumptions, promises, comparisons, and dependence.

Dos of Managing Expectations

1. Communicate Openly and Honestly About Your Expectations

Communication is key in any relationship, especially in a long distance one. It’s important to talk to your partner about what you expect from the relationship and what you are willing to give. Be honest about your feelings and listen to your partner’s concerns. Don’t assume that your partner knows what you want or need, or that they feel the same way you do.

2. Establish Clear Boundaries and Agreements

Setting boundaries and agreements can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts in a long distance relationship. Discuss what is and isn’t acceptable behavior and make sure you both understand each other’s expectations. For example, you may agree to talk on the phone every night, but you also agree that it’s okay to miss a call occasionally.

3. Make Plans for Visits and Future Goals

Planning for visits and future goals can help keep the relationship strong and give both partners something to look forward to. Discuss when and where you will meet next and make concrete plans. Talk about your future goals as a couple and make plans to achieve them together.

4. Be Flexible and Willing to Adapt to Changing Circumstances

Flexibility is important in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a long distance one. Unexpected circumstances can arise, such as work or family obligations, that may require you to adjust your plans. Be willing to adapt and find new ways to stay connected when physical distance separates you.

5. Practice Empathy and Understanding Towards Your Partner

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Long distance relationships can be emotionally challenging, so it’s important to be supportive and understanding of your partner’s feelings. Listen to their concerns and be there for them when they need you.

Don’ts of Managing Expectations

1. Don’t Make Assumptions About Your Partner’s Thoughts or Feelings

Assuming that you know what your partner is thinking or feeling can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Don’t assume that your partner is okay with something just because they haven’t expressed their feelings about it. Instead, ask your partner how they feel and listen to their response.

2. Avoid Making Promises You Can’t Keep

Making promises you can’t keep can damage the trust in your relationship. Be honest about what you can and cannot do, and don’t make promises you know you won’t be able to keep. It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver than to over-promise and under-deliver.

3. Don’t Compare Your Relationship to Others

Comparing your relationship to others can create unrealistic expectations and put unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Focus on your own relationship and what you can do to make it work.

4. Don’t Expect Your Partner to Be Available 24/7

It’s important to have your own life and interests outside of the relationship, even in a long distance one. Don’t expect your partner to be available to talk or text 24/7, as this can lead to feelings of pressure and burnout. Respect each other’s need for space and time to pursue other interests.

5. Avoid Being Overly Dependent on Your Partner

While it’s important to have support from your partner in a long distance relationship, it’s also important to have other sources of support, such as friends and family. Avoid being overly dependent on your partner for emotional support, as this can lead to feelings of pressure and burnout.

More Tips

In addition to managing expectations, long distance relationships come with a unique set of challenges. In this section, we will discuss some additional tips for maintaining intimacy, coping with jealousy and trust issues, and dealing with cultural differences.

Maintaining Intimacy:

1. Communication is Key: Communication is essential to maintaining intimacy in a long distance relationship. Make an effort to communicate regularly through phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with each other to stay connected.
2. Plan Virtual Dates: Plan virtual dates to help maintain the romance and intimacy in your relationship. You can watch a movie together, cook a meal together, or play an online game together. These activities will help you feel closer to each other even when you’re physically apart.
3. Send Care Packages: Sending care packages can help you show your partner that you care and are thinking of them. Send a box of their favorite treats, a handwritten letter, or a sentimental gift to show your love.

If the worst case scenario occurs and there is infidelity, check out this article on moving forward HERE.

Coping with Jealousy and Trust Issues:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries can help alleviate jealousy and trust issues. Be honest with each other about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. Discuss your expectations around communication, social media use, and other sensitive topics.
2. Build Trust: Building trust takes time and effort. Make an effort to keep your promises, be honest, and show your partner that they can trust you. Share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and be open to feedback and constructive criticism.
3. Avoid Comparisons: Avoid comparing your relationship to others or to previous relationships. Focus on your own relationship and what you can do to make it work. Remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another.

Dealing with Cultural Differences:

1. Learn about Each Other’s Cultures: Learning about each other’s cultures can help you understand each other better and build a stronger connection. Take the time to learn about your partner’s customs, traditions, and beliefs.
2. Be Open-Minded: Be open-minded and willing to learn from each other. Be respectful of each other’s differences and avoid making assumptions or stereotyping.
3. Find Common Ground: Find common ground and shared interests to help bridge the cultural divide. Explore each other’s hobbies, try new foods, or learn a new language together.

Here are some additional actionable tips and strategies for managing expectations in a long distance relationship:

1. Discuss your expectations early on: Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your expectations for the relationship. Talk about how often you want to communicate, what you both consider cheating, and what you envision for the future of the relationship.
2. Be specific: Instead of making vague statements about what you want or need, be specific. For example, instead of saying “I want you to be more attentive,” say “I would appreciate it if you could text me every day to check in.”
3. Make plans for the future: Having a plan to eventually be together can help manage expectations and keep the relationship moving forward. Discuss your future plans and talk about when and how you will eventually close the distance.
4. Practice empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. This can help you better understand their expectations and work towards meeting them.
5. Avoid making assumptions: It’s easy to assume that your partner is thinking or feeling a certain way, but assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Instead, ask your partner directly about their thoughts and feelings.
6. Be flexible: Long distance relationships require flexibility and compromise. Be willing to adjust your expectations and work with your partner to find solutions that work for both of you.
7. Honor your promises: When you make a promise to your partner, follow through. Keeping your promises helps build trust and shows your partner that you are committed to the relationship.
8. Communicate regularly: Regular communication is key to managing expectations in a long distance relationship. Make an effort to stay in touch and communicate regularly through phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails.

By implementing these tips and strategies, you can better manage your expectations and build a strong and lasting relationship with your long distance partner. Remember, a successful long distance relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners, but with patience and dedication, it can be done.

Managing expectations in a long distance relationship can be challenging, but it’s essential for a successful and fulfilling relationship. The dos and don’ts outlined in this article, including communication, boundaries, planning, flexibility, empathy, and avoiding assumptions, promises, comparisons, and dependence, can help couples navigate the challenges of physical distance and build a strong and lasting relationship. Remember to be patient, honest, and understanding, and to focus on what you can do to make the relationship work. With commitment and effort, a long distance relationship can be as fulfilling as a geographically close one.